The last poem

I think about you, friend

all my thoughts are a blend;

I really need a break,

you are in my mind a quake.

//And I can't stop it,

and I can't help it.//

I've closed my instagram,

I've hidden who I am;

because I miss you

and I can't say this true.

//And I can't say it,

and I can't yell it.//

Your smile is just perfect,

of  your eyes I'm addict.

sorry if that freaks you out,

but I had to talk about.

//And I can't see it,

and I can't feel it.//

Please, don't take me seriously,

nobody does when they know me.

This is just a piece of poetry,

that shows my soul and ingenuity.

//And I can't stop it,

and I can't stop it.//

Sorry about that, I'm really sorry, but I can't deny what it's like to feel this.

Avoiding  the world just to don't show them how much I miss you, how much I feel you.

I miss you, and that's it, I won't ask for anything.

I don't care if you does, or if you freak out, that's what feelings are about.

Can you imagine what it's like?

sometimes are just dreamlike.

I am falling down into a spiral, 

Why doesn't it just stop?

before my life becomes a flop.

Have you regretted what you said?

I do it always that I live with dread,

I am used to overthink,

but I just can't even think

when I express my feelings,

I show them with a deep meaning.

I am used to overthink

I don't know if it's relevant for you to know, but it's important for me to express it and to put my ideas in order. The last month I could certainly summarize it as having lived in "Fantastica", with all the good and bad that this implies. But now I feel like Bastian Baltasar Bux (BBB) coming back to the real world, where Falkor and Atreyu are not, where I can see myself as I am, after having known my fears, my sadnesses and my strengths, where what I learned and saw in Fantastica really comes alive.

I was afraid to go back, afraid to miss that ephemeral but precious time, after having fallen in love with the lively landscapes, the nature, the views and everything in spite of the weather. After meeting people who changed my mind and perspective, beyond race, language, or physical appearance, I met warm people, willing to open their hearts and show themselves (even if the way they relate is determined by their culture) as they are. I found the beauty and richness of small but lively eyes, kind and at the same time eager for knowledge. I learned about the situations that every country and race experiences when they are far from their roots.

I fell in love, I fell in love, I fell in love with this and with everything that living (or not) there implied.
I knew I was strange, but I never felt that way. I felt loved, accepted.

My heart was carried away by the wind, the cold and the sea that enveloped the environment.
And I am like BBB irrationally in love with the childlike Empress, wanting to see her again, knowing that it will not happen; and yet dreaming.

♥

No sé si es relevante o no para ti saberlo, pero es importante para mí expresarlo  y poner en orden mis ideas. El último mes podría sin duda resumirlo como haber vivido en "Fantasía", con lo bueno y malo que esto implica. Pero ahora me siento como Bastian Baltasar Bux (BBB) volviendo al mundo real, donde Fújur (Falkor) y Atreyu no están, donde me puedo ver tal cual, tras haber conocido mis miedos, mis tristezas y mis fortalezas, donde lo aprendido y visto en Fantasía realmente cobra vida.

Tenía miedo de volver, miedo de extrañar aquel efímero pero valioso tiempo, tras haberme enamorado de los paisajes tan vivos, de la naturaleza, de las vistas y todo a pesar del clima. Tras haber conocido personas que cambiaron mi mente y perspectiva, más allá de lo racial, más allá del idioma, o apariencia física, conocí personas cálidas, dispuestas a abrir su corazón y mostrarse (aún siendo la forma de relacionarse algo relacionado a la cultura propia) tal cual. Encontré la belleza y riqueza de unos ojos pequeños pero vivos, tiernos y al mismo tiempo ansiosos de conocimiento. Empaparme de las situaciones que cada país y raza experimentan al estar lejos de sus raíces.

Me enamoré, me enamoré, me enamoré de esto y de todo lo que implicó vivir (o no) allí.

Me sabía extraña, pero jamás me sentí así. Me sentí amada, aceptada.

Mi corazón se lo llevó el viento, el frío y el mar que envolvían el entorno.

Y estoy como BBB enamorado irracionalmente de la emperatriz, deseando volver a verla, sabiendo que no sucederá; y aún así soñando.

♥

I've seen beautiful eyes,

but none like yours.

Perfect for a man who is wise

one that isn't full of years.

I would like to decipher the mystery

that those calm eyes keep.

To plunge my soul into their story,

to know if they can weep.

Your eyes are so bright,

that they reflect your heart.

On a dark night they're a light,

and shine splendidly like a star.

Your eyes are so pure and yet so enigmatic.

Your eyes are authentic and so gorgeous.

Your eyes are lucid while my words erratic.

your eyes are great and your beauty enormous.

May your eyes continue to see beyond the physical and continue to shine and illuminate the people you meet.

Good-bye, little bit of sky...

I used to have a dream...

but I've broken the scheme;

I thought I could fly

but now I can't even try.

I was taught to dream big

while down I started to dig;

I just have fallen down

did you want a rundown?

If I don't want to talk

it is because I'm sad;

to my heart, you might knock

and that would make me so glad.

Maybe someday I will try again

or perhaps I'll discover my way;

I wish you could be there then

but for now I just have to pray.

Did you know that hope

rhymes with stethoscope?

 Jeremiah 29:11-13

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, 

“plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 

Then you will call on me and come and pray to me,  and I will listen to you.

 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart...”


By the way, I really wanted to be your friend from the first day I saw you. :)

Maybe you think this is unfair

and perhaps after all you're right

but we are going to remain quiet

knowing that it was a own dare.

I won't look for you, I swear

when I do it is an internal fight;

maybe it's because you feel tight

but to disappear you have the flair.

Unfair is believing it will happen

Unfair is this feeling assassin...

Do you still believe that everything is unfair?
Do you think you are?





There's only One who's right.

Job 6:24
You need to start over and stop being so unfair!
 Think again, because I am innocent.

Just can't remember the reason why

I'm here again, waiting for you;

I'm standing alone in the avenue

'cuz I've decided to stop being shy.

Maybe it's the smell of your coat

what makes me try to hold you tight;

a cocktail of happiness and fright

hundreds of words stuck in the throat.

If you could said something nice

it could be easier to start a talk;

If you want we can have only a walk

it would be a good way to break the ice.

The sound of your voice will be my vice

it is just as magical as listen to Bach;

now you measure my beats with your clock

while I find in your being the paradise.

You know the meaning of what I wrote

so let me know you, while it last the night

'cuz when I look for you, you've already taken flight

and then it is hard for me to go afloat.

This is what I am, all I have, this is my last try

I'm on the avenue, where I was not supposed to

I'm here because you want it, you know that's true

I'm here standing in the distance, to say to you goodbye.

Romans 12:9 ERV
Your love must be real.
 Hate what is evil.
 Do only what is good.

I don't like the people

and life is just a cycle;

I pretend that I don't care

but then you were there.

You can think I'm evil

but I was there when he fell;

let's hear our despair

while we say it's unfair.

Why I don't met you before?

why I want more and more?

I would like to run out

Go away without a route.

I said "I won't love anymore"

and look at me lying on the floor;

What is this life about?

Come here and let's shout

When you were there at the road

I showed my feelings encoded;

I fell in love with those eyes

And your smile from me hides.

The wind brushes my face and it's cold

Love knocks at my door and it's closed.

Sometimes you just need to do the things you love on a different way.

♥

Lord, You are guiding my steps.

Proverbs 16:17
The road of those who do right turns away from evil; 

those who protect their path guard their lives.